guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
