YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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