I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize