Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
