I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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