He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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