I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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