what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
