i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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