You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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