My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The air was thick with penises
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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