I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
