the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
