I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
