and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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