what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
