There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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