I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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