I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
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