No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
