Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize