Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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