Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
