Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
