we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
