So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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