There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
