i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The air was thick with penises
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
