I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
