I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize