just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize