i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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