Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
