I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
