my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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