I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
