i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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