just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
