I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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