Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize