Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
