I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
