he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
