honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
