I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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