I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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