you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize