if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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