My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
