sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
