Don't make out with my wife yet
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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