I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
