Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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