LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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