Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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