Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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