And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
