I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
