I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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