Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
