I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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