True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize