I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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