The maid of honor just puked.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
