I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Be still, my beating vagina.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
