youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
