Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
