I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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