i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
