her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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