singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
