I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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