I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He had one of those small greek statue penises
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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