If i could tip my vagina, i would.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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