your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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