just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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