Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
