Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
