the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
