I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
