I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
