I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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