As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize