8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
