so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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