Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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