Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
