I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
