sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
