She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
