Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
