i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
