I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
