if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Jerry, you need to find god
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
