I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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