I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
