hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
