I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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