she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
