my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
