...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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