the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
