barbara walters just said penis...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
