I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
