I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
