Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize