I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
