I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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