But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she pinky promised me she was 18
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
