how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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