How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
