She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
