We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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