So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
