Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
