is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
