Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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