I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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