He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Randomize
