my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize