im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize