i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
