Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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