420 ftw
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
