I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
